Does Size Matter?

I don’t know. Depends on the day. But let me tell you about the time it definitely mattered...

Waterbed Fail: The Hookup That Sunk

So, I linked up with someone from high school, he graduated a year or two before me. We’d been chatting a bit, catching up, flirting, the usual. He invites me over, and I’m thinking, alright cool, nothing major. We’re chillin’, talking, vibing—and then he hits me with, “Let’s go in the room and watch TV.” Classic line, right?

So we head back to the room, and that’s when I see it, a damn waterbed. I had never been on one before, and let me tell you, that thing had me questioning physics, gravity, and all my life choices. It was moving like it had somewhere to be.

Anyway, one thing leads to another—clothes off, let’s get to it—and… he couldn’t stick it in. I thought maybe it was the waterbed messing us up. So I flip over, doggy style, new angle, new hope. Still nothing.

We tried. For a few awkward minutes, we tried. Then he gave up, I shrugged, and life moved on.

Years later, this man had the nerve to say, “We’ve got unfinished business.” I laughed and said, “No we don’t. I don’t think you were big enough. That’s why it didn’t work.”

Reflection: When Size Really Does Matter

Let’s just say, that experience taught me two things:

1. Waterbeds are for fish.
2. If you invite me over and I see one, I’m suddenly gonna remember my mama needs me. Immediately.

But on a more honest note, the moment wasn’t just about equipment. It was about awkward pressure, bad timing, and maybe a little too much ego. Size might not matter every time, but if it’s not working, it’s okay to admit it—and maybe try something else. Confidence is sexy. Frustration? Not so much.

Still, that waterbed lives rent-free in my memory as a symbol of things that sound good in theory but flop in execution. Literally.

So does size matter? Sometimes. But knowing what to do with what you’ve got matters more.

Have a wild first-time story too?

Slide it in — we won’t tell a soul. But we might post it.

Related reading: Psychology Today: Does Size Really Matter?